A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Cleric

My first campaign I asked my friend to join (their first time to) she chose the cleric thinking it was a healer

I just got the A Men joke god fucking damn it

Are clerics just the Mary Sue's of dnd

I played cleric so so poorly on my first group. Never used spirit weapon or shield of faith. Didn’t know about concentration

Simple guide to Cleric Combat:

- You're not a healer in combat. You're a medic. Your job is to triage and stabilize the dying. You don't have the spell slots to top people off nor are you obliged to if the rest of the party does something stupid.

For instance just last night I was playing a Forge Cleric so with my high AC I'm the physical damage sink. It's four of us VS about 10 bandits. Common sense would dictate that we use the door as cover and use that to funnel our enemies so we don't get overwhelmed. Instead our fighter and warlock charge in, then are shocked that they take heavy damage in a single round. The Warlock is begging me to heal him after he drops, but between my turn and his was 6 bandits so if I did that, those bandits would easily erase 1d4+4 worth of healing and would completely waste my spell slot. You are not obliged to fix other people's stupidity.

- What you are there for is support. A buff now will save a heal later. Aid is you bread and butter, but feel free to cast any concentration buff until you get Spirit Guardians.

- For damage stick to your spells. You don't get an extra melee attack like martial classes so to match the damage you'd do with cantrips you'd have to take multiple feats. Just stick with Toll the Dead and your high wisdom score.

- Combat actions are simple. First round cast Spirit Guardians and Spiritual Weapon. Congrats, you now are a walking tar pit that does around half the damage of a fireball (depending on the dice of course) every round, have an extra spell attack on your bonus action and still have your action free to cast whatever you want. Just don't cast concentration spells unless it's an emergency.

i love how he didn't mention max damage tempest cleric

Any1 calling d&d 5e clerics heal bots are just dumb. No arguement just dumb

Given the way started i was unsure if the rest was a joke. Btw "A men" was hilarious.

Dang, bro, breath. You're like a rap god.

Listen that monster hunter comment was a bit uncalled for sure gunLance is better but like sword and shield they look nice tho

Forge Clerics are fun.
Just casually hybrid a few levels of Artificer with it and laugh at the DM when he realizes you're basically handing out weapon imbuements alongside buffs and are a walking Home Depot that just needs some spare cash and time to make literally any tool for the job. Plus you become fireproof and have stuff Clerics are normally not allowed to get.

Fun strat: take the Metamagic Adept feat with Distant Spell and Twinned Spell.

Congrats, now you can touch-heal someone from 30ft away or touch-heal two people at once.

No one here remembers 3.5e divine metamagic clerics that could kill an ancient red dragon in a single punch

i guess the only thing that the DM fears is the cleric.

Thankfully for my DM I don’t know how to play dnd nor clerics well. I have however done everything in my power to make sure anything without fire resistance will not live to regret it.

so once upon a time a tiny wee little halfing cleric and a hulking half orc barbarian had a disagreement in character. To this end the half orc decided to challenge the halfling to a duel. Whilst they were both level 5. I as the DM said take it easy on them. You only have one of these, The half orc player said "Don't worry I won't break them... much". I deadpan said "I wasn't talking to you"

Clerics should be renamed I got this. They are the very bane of a DM trying to teach the party a lesson. I had a trickster cleric who went from unassuming halfling to head of mob

Someone who's new to D&D: So...just a priest right?

Me: Remember when I said the Crusades were some of the most violent and needless wars in human history? So no...not just a priest.

I'm getting into my first ever session of this game, I know jack shit about it. I chose the cleric because I thought being a healer could be fun. I didn't know this was what I was getting into, I wanna see how my views change overtime.

I just first my first DND session and chose a satyr cleric, I hope to God that this hasn't been nerfed (casts divine intervention)

in my new dnd session we have 2 clerics 1 paladin and a barbarian. no one will die

Garlic Bread
Garlic Bread
Garlic Bread
Garlic Bread
Garlic Bread Domain!!

Bard: First you traded the horse and carriage for a shield, then you lied to me about getting the party back together, and now you’re gonna put me right back in the dungeon.
Cleric: They’re not gonna catch us, we’re on a mission from God.

Guess you could call Cleric...God Tier. :)

my charter was meant to be a support but now I am just a goddamn tank lmao

Fun fact, a torch counts as a club and you can do at least 1d4 bludgeoning and 1d4 BEFORE being temporarily blessed with the cantrip Shileghligh

This class is my home

And this is why I took Divine soul Sorcerer

Fan fact: i play a cleric without a god, the goddess of anger cursed me into a feline form (yes I'm a furry) and now i actively spit on holy symbols and use an emblem instead of a cross cuz fuck you, you think i give a shit after what you did!?

I’m in first campaign ever. Playing a war domain cleric, human variant with lucky feat.I feel so OP

i love the barf palidin love story thought out these

The A-men is a god tier pun

Honestly, Clerics being OP makes sense in many worlds, since the gods would like their chosen fan club leaders and total simps champions to easily do their will.

We just did the A-Men squad and lets say.. the homebrew modded Tiamat still didnt stand a chance :P

Yeah my first DnD character is a cleric tiamat simp...i don't have to add that i have trauma 😂

Me and my table are doing the A-Men shit

multiclass cleric and artificer:

"... a gun with one billet"

To find the hidden text: once you see it flash, turn it to 0.25 speed and spam space bar

Stoutbough? Oh, is the cleric related to the paladin or did I misremember that character's name?

We have a cleric in our party, and he is Jesus, he is not named Jesus but he is

8 bit theatre arc 1: Four White Mages? That'll never work!
8 bit theatre ending: Oh goddammit
Same energy

If you really want a party to be called the A-Men, you should have everyone take a 1 level dip in Bard so you can belt out those holy hymns with feeling.

PUURRRRGE

BTW there is more aspects in official beside Life, Light, Forge, Knowledge, Death and Nature.
But i agree with JoCat that you can make a party of only clerics, cuz if put memes probably based on the japanese game stereotypes, idea of clerics working together for some quest tht is based on the prophecy of the gods of this clerics, sounds good, atleast as idea.

During my d&d session we finally got to the material plane and we desperately needed money so I decided well I’m a nature cleric I used channel divinity to summon all the nearby animals to me and me and my party fucking SLAUGHTERED THEM ALL AND SOLD THEIR PELTS TO THE LOCAL SHOP KEEPER. My DM and even all my party members were like what the hell are you sure you want to do that? That’s the most metal thing ever 😅