12 THINGS I LEARNED WHEN I BECAME A WIDOW | Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss One Happy Widow

What have you learned when you became widowed?

I loss my husband to the Lord . Yes we do change. We were married almost 60 years. I have watched a lot of your videos. I am a young 82. I have started to do volunteer . In the long-term Care he was in. I thought I could cope with my grieving daily . After hearing your talking. I thought it would be nice to join your private group. I am liking working twice a week in the long-term care.

I lost my husband of 30 yrs, and married again 10 yrs later - and he died of a sudden stroke 5 yrs later. Both of these were very sudden - no time for any preparation. Both times, there were things that needed done, so I focused on that. I cried more later, by myself. I understand the calendar, marking time. It almost feels like more of a loss. The first time, .y daughter had a lot of trouble in scbool, etc.I had to focus on that. But (especially the second time) I have really withdrawn,, I dont want people around trying to cheer me up. But everything you have said is right on......and before/after patterns do influence daily life. The Lord was with me, quietly helping me through. It doesnt go away, but becomes a pattern in your life that you start to recognize. (Even family, kids who try to comfort you just cant give what you need)

Thank you. I just lost my husband of 28 years.

Thanks so much, you really helped me to cope with the death of my husband.

My husband died in October and it’s been over 3 months and I am still so sad. I don’t want to take medication but just want to be happy.

My wife and I had our 20th in Sept '23. On 1/5/24 she said she was feeling a little tired and was going to nap a bit. I tucked her into her chair with her new Christmas blanket and got her some water then went into the other room to hang out with our autistic 14 year old son so that she could rest. She had our cat Mandu in her lap and our dog Tyson at her feet. A couple of hours later I went to take the dog out so that he wouldn't roust her. Her lips were white, she had been gone for hours. She was 52.

It's only been 11 days and most of you who've been through it can imagine what it's been like. I've been holding it together during the days between all the daily chores, dealing with medical exams, mortuaries, obituaries, phone calls, emails, texts with her large family, caring for our son, taking down the Christmas decorations, etc. The nights have been the toughest times, when our son and pets are asleep and I'm alone in the quiet house. I haven't been able to sleep because every night when I close my eyes I relive trying to give her cpr when she was clearly gone. A truly horrifying experience.

I had been beating myself up wondering how I didn't notice that she was dying. I was angry with myself for being a self centered a-hole and not noticing that she was really sick and I was angry with her for not telling me or calling an ambulance. Then earlier today I was given a gift.

I was working on backing up our electronics so that I had all pictures and video's consolidated in one place so that nothing was lost. Our autistic son is obsessed with his iPad and recording everything. I would frequently complain that it was like living with a narc. I was upset when I looked at his iPad and everything except 4 video's had been deleted, I should have checked earlier. However, he had merged 6 months worth of videos into four 2 hour 'movies' with titles, soundtracks, cast lists, the whole nine yards. He had made his own memorial. After backing them up I started reviewing them to be sure that he wasn't posting my naked rear or something else embarrassing. Then I saw that he recorded me cooking him a pizza, tucking his mom in, getting her meds, getting her water, setting up a humidifier, etc. She was smiling and thanking me, she seemed completely normal other than being a little tired.

Our son's compulsive need to record everything has saved me from a life time of doubt and self loathing. He saved me from holding onto anger towards her for dying. I can see that there were no red flags, I can see that she just felt like napping, I can see that neither of us did anything wrong or neglectful. I am so thankful for this blessing. I'll never complain about him filming me again. I really feel that he saved me, a weight has been lifted from my heart. I've been given a touch of grace and comfort.

I HAVE A QUESTION i CHOSE TO KEEP MY HUSBAND IN MY LIFE I IVE ALONE AND FEEL SAFE AND CONTENT CAUSE I FEEL HIM WITH ME ALWAYS I AM CONTENT TO BE WITH JIM IN MY MINE HEART AND MY BEING

A heartfelt thank you to you for your honest raw account of what it is like to experience being a widow. I lost my husband suddenly to heart disease last November. The first weeks were gut wrenching, the most horrible experience of my life. What I have learned is that becoming a widow is like been hit with an emotional storm. You learn to put one foot in front of the other and we are designed to adapt and endure the storm. I had been married for 29 years and being grateful for those 29 years allows me to not wish for more time but rather appreciate and be thankful for having him be part of my life and my son’s life for that time. We had no regrets and we always told each other that we loved each other.

This has helped me today, thank you for sharing this. My husband was diagnosed last January with the rare brain cancer glioblastoma. He passed at home this past September. My last year has been super hard, my grieving has come in stages as you have described. I kept asking myself about the way I was feeling is the right, should I really be feeling this way, should I be having these thoughts. In my area there is not a solid grieving group, so I have had to try to process what I was feeling as best as I could. What you have stated is what I have found to be true. The one thing I have found that is highly irritating to me is being told what I should or should not feel, or what I should or should not do. Now as a Child of God I know they are telling me this from their heart, however I sometime want to shout “ How would you know as you still have your spouse, but mine is not here. I just shake my head and try to remain calm,” sometimes the struggle is real hard.” I am just a minute by minute, day to day survivor. I know I will find my joy again I just have to keep trying to climb out of a very deep hole, I know the sun will shine again.

Hi I so happy that I am not alone, how do I become a widow member I zm in South Africa.

My husband died last Thursday unexpectedly. 26 and a half years. Its been almost a week. His family is here going through his things. I find myself feeling sad that he's being picked apart and filed into boxes. I'm a very spiritual person and I feel him very strongly. Its more of a curse than a blessing. He seems sad. He was a fighter and didn't want to die. He cried a lot at the end. He would open his eyes and recognize me and then the next time he didn't know me.

I have now been a widow for 2 days and 3 hours. It's an emptiness I've never felt before.

People might mean well but people are morons when it comes to grief. They have no clue how it feels or how it affects you.

God bless you! Somewhat comforting (?) to realize others feel the same as I do. Been a widow for almost 7 years but still grieve every day..Sad fact is that the world will leave you behind, even your kids. You are saying wonderful words and giving great suggestions but your eyes betray your sadness. I wish you the best. I am too busy all the time taking care of my home, arts and crafts, quilting and activities with the two groups of ladies I meet with, half of whom are widows and the other half still have their spouses. A good mix nice ladies. Life goes on and I have good days and sad days. Keep making these great videos and saying the words the other widows are feeling. As I said earlier, God bless you. .

Jesus christ. There is so much strength in this woman. The fact that you can put this out and talk to the whole world about what you went through is amazing. This video dosent even apply to me but the hurt and energy just come through the screen and i thank you for sharing.❤

When I get a deep feeling of missing him, I involuntarily say his name or the affectionate name I called him. After saying his name I cry because I think I'm going crazy for not being able to control what I say or do. This happens almost every single day. He's been gone for almost 3 years.

I lost my husband of 11 years ,4 months ago...I cry everyday for him,he was the kindest man I know,treated me with soo much love and respect. No one would ever love me like my late husband.

Mine died a little over 3 years ago. I think I finally crossed a milestone, this year the holidays weren’t as bad😘I can finally reflect and smile. I still miss him all the time but I can finally smile when I think back now.

....thanks for this blog, ...my husband died from combination of Parkinsons and Pancreatic cancer, he died 25 days after diagnosis in August, I had him home with Hospice, I was his nurse 24/7, couldn't wait for him to stop suffering morphine or not, then the slam of losing my protector, reliable help, and now so alone. My heart will be slammed shut for a long time, and at the same time I don't want to meet anyone.....😢

I lost my husband in March 2022

I lost my wife last month 11/18/23 after 47 years.

Thank you the one thing I have learnt is there is room for the love of your husband and a new partner. At first it felt unbalanced but I have found that central point where I can stand in my power without any compromise .

My wife died just a month ago Didnt have a chance to say goodbye she went down in just 4 days .But as she went into the hospital the same day as our normal shopping day I needed to do some food shopping which we had been planning .So she died about 6pm The next day my son took me shopping the next day .Less than 24 hours latter .And I fell so disrespectful that we had gone food shopping and so many times this feeling of disrespectfulness as we have to face the fact that life just continues on without her. I feel so much pain And Yes if you dont know what to say We as practical people would prefer not to hear how they coped with a death Just hold back for a while.

After my husband's passing, I no longer care whether anyone is dead or alive

People say 'be strong ' all the time when offering condolence

My husband of 12 years passed on 10/19/23. 3 months and 3 weeks after his cancer diagnosis. I wish I could say it was an easy and beautiful passing, but it wasn’t. We didn’t really believe he would die. He was lucid and with us up to a couple of hours before his passing. Now I can’t get through a few hours with sobbing. I see him in those last few hours and just want to scream and cry that I need him and I want him back. It seems like it gets worse before it gets better. Now I feel like I am losing him every day as I have to go through cleaning out the house. I wish my husband would have left me a letter or notebook. But I know he loved me and that I loved him.

It is going to be 3 years on 28th January, 2024 since my husband passed away. I don't have children. We were married for 44 years. I agree with you that,
1. It is never long enough no matter how long you been together. you will always wish, if only there was one more day.
2. All my life I was a terrible hypochondriac. suffered from phobias. Now I am not afraid of death anymore.
3. Once a very social person, now I keep myself to myself most of the time and this does not bother me at all.
4. A friend in need is a friend indeed. You will hardly find anybody who will have time for you to give you company unless someone is on the same boat.
5. After sometime people will avoid you like the plague.After all who wants to share your grief specially when they didn't know your husband.
6. Never expect anybody to understand your situation.
7. you have to walk your grief journey alone. no one will accompany you.
8. you will surprise yourself that the jobs you never thought you could do, your life without your partner makes you strong and you just somehow manage to get by.
9. When you feel relieved as your beloved husband passes away after suffering, i would say you are being selfless as you want to see the sufferings of the person you love coming to an end. You have all the time to grief for him your whole life..
10. We are all different and the way we grief is also different.
11. People sometimes try to be helpful but can;t deal with the situation diplomatically.
12. When it happens you become numb and don't seem to know what goes around.

We take things for granted and only realise how much that person meant, only when that person is not with us anymore.


Thank you for the video.
Sue
From India.

Of course it’s like he never existed. The new year

Me to private.

I wanted to be alone too

It’s ok honey

Lost my wife in 2013 after 22 years , Boy my Sex life was great when i was married now it sucks big time I'm learning to not think about it, I aways tell people be thankful you have your Spouse , life still good tho.

just lost my husband last month...thanks for this video makes so much sense

With the Lord in your marriage, live daily together, so when death comes, you are not "overwhelmed" IN GUILT !!

❤🙏 it’s been 107 days

Thank you - I can relate to most that you said. My husband of 40 years died last week after a long drown out battle with cancer. I haven’t stopped shacking.

When my husband of 51 years died 4 months ago, I realized there is not a day that goes by that there aren’t, what if, I should have, if only I could, I wished I had of, it’s endless.

My hubs died without a will in place. The time we had will never be enough and I wouldn't want one more day because I wouldn't be able to give him up again.
I didn't remember a whole lot of the service we had for Hubs. We didn't have a viewing and he was cremated and is still not buried because it was so danged hot here when he died that people would have passed out. I still have to bury him. I was too numb to feel much of anything. My Hubs died of cancer as well. I too was relieved that it was over because my darling, wonderful Hubs couldn't function in the end as the cancer had spread to his brain. All of the things you mentioned I have seen or experienced personally. Thank you for making this video.

My friend was living in another country when her husband had a fatal accident while doing a volunteer job to help animals and was missing for two days before they found him. He had struc his head and bled out. They took him away and didn’t even let her see him and she had no information or cooperation to find out where they had taken him to have an autopsy. They had actually misplaced his body for a day at that facility.
She didn’t speak the language and although the police, the local pastor and an attorney from the charity and attorney from the city where they lived did speak at least some English , they didn’t and were only concerned about her filing a law suit against them. They offered no help but told her she had two weeks to leave the country. She was frozen with emotional paralysis and had no one to help emotionally or physically.
Before they’d moved to his country, they had lost their home, she’d been down-sized from her position, her parents ( within a week of each other ) had a tragic death and she had no other living family. He had no living family as well. There was no insurance or will as they had suffered so much loss they did not take care of that nor did they have any money but her social security. He earned all his money in other countries and had no pension to collect on and she was in no position to fight the officials who wouldn’t help her . There are a lot more tragic details to this story but possibly one of the worst for her is that the only “friend” ( of almost 50 years ) she had left ( before me ) said that she could come to stay at her home for 2 weeks but she was not to mention her husband and she didn’t want to see any crying. She had no where else to go so she went there, but it was humiliating for her and caused more trauma which was already at its peak. She has suffered in every way and still does. The stress has been so much, she has even lost most of her teeth. Grief is never ending . It only shape- shifts. Let your friend talk to you. Bring up their spouse. More often than not, they will like it if you do. Don’t say you’ll help unless you really mean it. Get a team together( if you can ) to spread the resources. Remember heavy grief follows no time line. It is different for every person- men and woman. Just do your best. It’s God’s work.

Thankyou ❤

My husband died 6 weeks ago suddenly from heart disease. It’s been pure hell. He was only 58. I am so lost without him. this video does help a lot.

so

I wrote down special moments we had over the years that are like photographs when I read them - just one line for each - the moment we met, seeing him one day waiting for me, sharing an ice cream at the seaside, the togetherness we had in a cafe sharing the paper and toasted tea cakes. It’s like opening a perfume bottle and getting the scent of times past.

At the viewing my husband didn’t look like himself. I didn’t cry at the funeral. I cry alone, but then I want people to listen to me talk about Eddie.

My husband Eddie died a year ago last August , I lost him suddenly . I always told him that I love him.

🤟Thank You🤟

My mom spent the last couple of days in April basically on hospice and then she died on May 1st. I had written some surgeries and other events on the calendar. Unaware that she had decided she didn’t want anything more done to her, we were all pretty shocked when we got summoned to the ER first thing in the morning after spending less than 12 hours at a rehabilitation facility. What really broke me up was having to change my physical calendar to June knowing that there wasn’t going to be any more “mom things” written on the calendar.

Now I understand why the Bible says pure religion, in Gods sight is ministering to orphans and widows

thank you for your video and your honest talk about your experiences. I am a woman of 52, lost my partner to sudden heart stillstand 13 years ago. Raised my two children alone. Felt very alone often. Learned same or similar things like you. Was traumatized and still have ptsd, so it's hard. My children are now young adults who also still are affected by the trauma of the sudden death. My elder one is doing great in his job, though, younger one trying his best to do so too. Both have partners. I still live alone but what is with me is that once he talked to me saying "when I no longer am here I want you to love again". I didn't want to hear him saying such a thing back then (few years before he died) and kind of jokingly said "Don't say that, who knows who'll go first anyway". But now it's precious to me, because the submessage to that is also "I want you to live and be happy, no matter what happens". I learned that such things, such memories can help you along and give you strength as well.